One Lesson

God is my Shepherd

And I am his little lamb.

He feeds me

He guides me

He looks after me

I have everything I need

Inside, my heart is very quiet.

As quiet as lying still in soft, green grass

In a meadow

By a little stream

Even when I walk through

the dark, scary, lonely places

I won't be afraid

Because my Shepherd knows where I am

He is here with me

He keeps me safe

He rescues me

He makes me strong

And brave.

He is getting wonderful things ready for me

Especially for me

Everything I ever dreamed of!

He fills my heart so full of happiness

I can't hold it all inside.

Wherever I go I know

God's Never Stopping

Never Giving Up

Unbreaking

Always and Forever

Love

Will go, too!

Psalm 23

from the Jesus Storybook Bible

When we started the adoption we thought it was something God wanted us to do for Sam. Now as we near the end of the process I have learned that adoption is something God wants us to do for us. God has revealed himself in so many ways that I can't begin to list them all. When the Bible says that true religion is visiting orphans and widows we tend to put that into a box. God wants us to help those people because they need help. What I've learned is that God wants us to love those people to show us how he loves us.

This whole adoption has been about Jesus. I was guilty of putting Jesus in a box. Demarcating the parts of my life where Jesus went and keeping other parts separate from him. I was on my schedule, doing my own thing, and asking God to help me when it was convenient and to live on my schedule. I had made myself a pocket sized Jesus.

At the end of the adoption I have learned so much. When my arms ache to hold my child I am reminded of how much more God's arms ache to hold us. When I think of how much love there is in my heart for him I have just a small idea of how much God loves me. And when I think I know everything and that my plans are perfect, God shows me that his plans are bigger and grander and more incredible that I could even imagine.

On Friday we got an email saying "Hey, you're documents aren't going to get here until Monday and by the way Sam was sent to the hospital with appendicitis and had to have emergency surgery. He's doing fine and will be out of the hospital in a week."

And for the first time in the last 16 months I made myself be still. I didn't freak out, I didn't have a panic attack, I just came home and sat in Sam's room. I sat in the rocking chair and asked God why my baby had to be in the hospital without his parents again. Why this couldn't have waited one month until he was home. And God spoke.

The Peterson family gave us "The Jesus Storybook Bible" at our baby shower last week and it was sitting on Sam's nightstand. I picked it up and opened it and it opened to Psalm 23. It was like Jesus himself was reading it to me. And assuring me that he was whispering it in our Sam's ear as well. "Even when I walk through the dark, scary, lonely places I won't be afraid because my Shepherd knows where I am." God was assuring me that he knew exactly where Sam was, that he loved him more than I could, and that he would comfort him when I can't.

Our God is mighty. He's big and powerful. But He's also small enough to comfort us when we cry and hear us when we call. He wants only the best for Sam because He loves him.

The truth is God wants only the best for me too. He loves me too. So much. All I have to do is trust. He wants the best for you too. Only the best. Because he loves you too. This whole adoption was about learning that one lesson. And it was a good one.