31+5= Sam's Birthday & 31 Days of Him Being Ours

Yesterday marked Sam’s 5th Birthday and our 31st day caring for him. It was a hectic day, and I am fairly certain I am birthday partied out for at least 6 months. And that is saying something because my birthday is rapidly approaching.

After we (more Carrie) put Sam to bed, I was cleaning up and saw this commercial and it had all of these adults in a different situations, and one was a mom hosting a birthday party. WHAT???!!!! She had time to talk to the camera and form cogent sentences. Maybe that comes with time, but Sam’s birthday party would be the last place I would have time to talk to a camera. Funny thing is that after the party was over we had a follow up interview with Both Hands & LifeSong about our Both Hands project. Guess what, I had problems forming cogent sentences. Good thing Carrie is smart and stuff. She knows how to use her words but me not so much.

Thinking back on these 31 days of caring for Sam, it has not always been easy, but Carrie and I have always tried to be good parents, which is really hard, because we have no experience caring for a 5 year old. Especially, when you factor in that fact that he was in an orphanage and does not speak or understand very much English. He does understand more than he lets on. Like one day, I was asking Carrie about him falling asleep in the car, and I hear from the backseat, “не (not) sleep.” I am especially trying to figure out how to be consistent with punishment. Especially, when he figures out so quickly how to say the just the right thing (in English) so he doesn’t get a time-in (nerdy term, but that is what it is). I am onto you Sam, and becoming immune. The biting, farting, and spitting have pretty much stopped. He still farts, but mainly for performance purposes. The name calling (in Russian….we are onto you Sam) and telling us that he doesn’t love haven’t stopped, but are becoming less frequent, but still occur when he doesn’t get what he wants. I think the hardest single principle that we are teaching him is to be patient. Most of his meltdowns are because he is not patient. I know that it is a trust issue and that the more he trusts us the more the patient he will become.

We are 31 days in, and all I have to say is that adoption the process and parenting an adopted child are not for the faint of heart and are the most difficult thing I have done and continue to do (I think Carrie will back me up on that), but if God has placed adoption on your heart how can you say no? My life hasn’t become easier, but it is better, and I am consistently seeing God’s Hand in my life more than ever before. The correlations between how Sam responds to me as parents and how, in turn, I respond to God are remarkable. The biggest similarity is that as I trust God more the more patient I have become for God to provide for my family and me. I don’t know if Sam gets amazed with the ways we provide for him, but I definitely continue to be очень очень (very very) amazed with how God provides.

Two weeks...

If Tim can do this in two weeks, imagine what he can do in 14 years...

The Hardest Thing

The hardest thing about having a newly adopted child is not what you would think. It's not the fear that is his constant companion or the entire shift in everyone's routine. It's not even being regularly told that you aren't loved.

It's not knowing what he's thinking in the quiet moments before he falls asleep, and not even being able to ask him. I so want to know what is going through his head when all he whispers is "lu-blu" (love you). Those sweet moments are getting me through some difficult days as we all adjust.

Also, as you know yesterday was my birthday, and it was like no other birthday.

It started like this:

And this:

And ended with Red Robin and delicious lemon creme cake that my mom made that was exactly like the lemon creme cake at Olive Garden.

I am trying very hard to establish traditions. Red Robin's has always been a tradition for me and Tim because you get a free burger but I want to establish Krispy Kreme as one too. It was a fun day, tiring like all our days have been but fun too.

Tomorrow we are going to see how children's church goes, so pray for that!

It's that time of year...

TIME FOR HAND TURKEYS!!!!!

Reality

I was just reading a blog of someone marking the anniversary of their referral call and I started thinking that we don't have that anniversary. We found Sam. I saw this picture on a web listing and while it might not have been love at first sight, I kept coming back to it, over and over again. He looked just like the sweet boys in my Sunday school class, just sad. Finally I convinced Tim and the rest is history.

But I was sitting here and it finally hit me that that little boy is here. I hold him and kiss him and watch him play all the time now. He was just this picture for so long that the reality of the huge blessing God has given us is only just now sinking in. And he's not that sad little boy anymore either. He was Aleksey, an orphan living in Sosnovo, Russia, and now he's Sam, a very smart, very loved son.

We love him so much and he doesn't have to do anything for that to happen. And he couldn't do anything to change that.

And that is why adoption is a picture of God. God takes our sad, fatherless selves and loves us for no reason, unconditionally. This weekend the sermon was on love and the pastor said that love is ethical, not emotional. That really hit home for me. Yes, my love for Sam is a feeling, but even when it's hard to feel that love, I still love him. How powerful it has been for me to realize that God loves me even more than I could ever love Sam.

Sam himself is doing amazing. We had two friends over today, Haddon and Hayes, and he had a ball. Some people have questioned us about bonding and attachment but Sam is doing so well and he is so much a four year old boy. The only person who really understands a four year old is another four year old. They wrestled and had strange conversations and played cars and had a ball. We are lucky to know such wonderful sweet boys who are so patient with Sam.

He's also learning some English and even occasionally correcting Mama when he says something to him in Russian that he knows in English, like Thank You. Today we learned the word "cookie" and for about an hour everything was a cookie. He can count to nine and say the ABC's and even identify a few letters.

Right now Sam and Papa are out running around the neighborhood in the jogging stroller which is why I had this quiet minute to post. Until next time!

Sam Jamming to VeggieTales

This is a video of Sam jammin' to a VeggieTales Silly Song.

Harder than it looks

I promised myself we would not be those people who adopt and then fall off the map. I just didn't plan on being this tired. Between jet lag and adjusting we're all pretty tired. We got in late late Saturday night and since then have been hanging out, playing with all the new toys, watching super why, and trying to find foods that aren't "foo foo foo" (Sam Russian for yucky).

The food thing may be the most difficult. In Russia he would eat anything but ever since we got home he's been super particular. He likes ramen, salami, cheddar cheese but not american. What's really difficult is that he will like something one time and not like it the next. We went to the store today and hopefully got a few more things that he'll like.

We are also trying to find a nap alternative. He absolutely will not take a nap but gets super tired in the middle of the day. Super Why! is usually pretty good because he loves it and is actually learning something. He can identify and few of the letters in some of the episodes we've watched several times (thank the Lord for Tivo).

Overall I think that we're getting the hang of it. Ask me again tomorrow.

If any of you want to come stop by for a visit give me a call and we can set something up. He's okay with one or two people at a time. If you want to skype just call Tim's phone and we'll connect it.

Sam Plays Soccer

Today Sam and I played a little soccer. It was pretty funny to watch him pick up the ball and try to kick it in the air. We played outside for almost 1 1/2 hours and we had already gone to the park earlier this morning for about an hour. He is a playing machine. Of course he fell asleep in the car, but the minute we went to put him to bed for a nap he woke up.