Why adopt?

Tim and I answered this question for a long time in the same way, the truthful way. God calls us to. Specifically in James we are charged to take care of widows and orphans.

But now something has changed. A big part of the change is Sam. God called Tim and I specifically to parent Sam. He's our child.

But what if Sam had been different? What if there were signs of developmental delays or larger attachment issues?

With the recent incident with the mother in Shelbyville I have been thinking about this a lot. I've read two different articles in the past 24 hours about adoption, why we do it and why someone was choosing not to do it.

People adopt for hundreds of reasons, but I have to believe that God is working in all of those adoptions.

Tim and I are adopting because we feel that God calls us to be parents and we have so much love and are so blessed we want to share that blessing with what some would consider the least of these. But on top of that we want to be parents. There is a little bit of selfishness involved. I can't say that the numerous pregnant women surrounding me at the moment aren't pricking at my soul just a little bit. I want to hold my son close to me. I am jealous of the woman who carried him next to her heart for nine months and then got to see his first steps and hear his first words. I am jealous of the orphanage and the sanitarium where he is now because the people there get to see him wake up in the morning and put him to bed at night. God called us to be parents, but he also put a love and a fire in us that makes us yearn to be parents.

I have also read several articles critizing Russia for somehow sending "defective" children. And this fires me up to no end.

We fell in love with Sam on a waiting list. All we had was a picture and two sentences regarding health problems he didn't have. I knew with a ferocity I cannot explain that Sam was mine.

But I kept reading that we needed a full physical history, what if something was wrong with him?

And all I could think was how he's a child. A little boy with a future who needs a home. We're not adopting a puppy and deciding on breeds and characteristics. That's not how God loves and that's not how we should love.

Sam is fearfully and wonderfully made. God knit him together in the womb and laid out a path for his life.

Adoption is not a spirituality merit badge. It's not something to do because it's trendy. Heck, if this wasn't a God thing I think both Tim and I would have given up when they told us it would cost more than I make in an entire year. Yes, adoption may be our mission field, but Sam is our child. And he'd still be our child if we had gotten to Russia and there was an undisclosed medical problem. You wouldn't kick one of your kids out if you found out they had cancer and we wouldn't give Sam up for the same reasons.

What Torry Hansen did was wrong. Regardless of what she thought she was getting when she adopted a boy from Russia. That was her child and the people making excuses for her should seriously consider what they would be saying if that little seven year old were her biological son and she put him on a plane by himself. It would be wrong then and it's wrong now.

I don't really know the full reason why I'm writing this today. Maybe I just want it to be there for later. Maybe after we're done and this blog is no longer private someone will find it and it will give them courage. I don't know. Adoption is spiritual warfare and just for today I want to stand up and say that I am Sam's mom, before the creation of the universe God had ordained it and nothing changes it.


P.S. (from Tim) This is the blog from Christianity Today that really upset us, because it was bashing adoption by someone who had previously adopted. Adoption has received enough bashing from uninformed sources over the past couple of weeks. It is just frustrating.

Attempt to ford the river or wait for conditions to improve?

I was a kid when Apple computers invaded schools and my class was one of many that diligently went to computer class every week to play games that today's kids would laugh at if they saw them.

The best game was the Oregon Trail.

Why am I telling you this? Because I had the epiphany on Sunday that adoption is a lot like the Oregon Trail.

In the game you start of by selecting your players, buying supplies and choosing when to leave. You're well rested, well stocked, and you think you're prepared for the road ahead.

You travel for awhile in spring and everything is great and you think you'll soon be in the promise land of Oregon before the end of summer. And then an axel breaks.

And while you're fixing the axel two oxen run away.

And Suzy gets a snakebite.

And thiefs steal half your food.

And Tommy catches dysentery.

But you keep travelling because everyone has told you how wonderful Oregon is and there is no sense in turning back now. You come to a fort and you buy some more supplies and everything seems okay.

And then you get to a river. A big river. And you're given four choices. The first two are dangerous but quick. The last two require patience but are safer.

As a kid we always forded the river or caulked the wagon. Computer class was only so long and your wagon was still only in Kansas.

Why is this like adoption?

God has given us a path, and we've heard hundreds of stories about the wonders that wait at the end of it. But right now the trail is hard. It feels like I have dysentery, Tim has a snakebite, there's only one oxen left and we're out of bullets. Winter is coming. And we're at a river.

And right now all we want to do is camp on the side of that river, sleep under a shady tree, maybe build a little cabin and just stop. Sure, Oregon is great. Heck, we even went there on vacation and know about the rich soil, the cool ocean breezes. But it's hard to remember that feeling when you're this tired.

That was a very extended metaphor to tell all of you that nothing has happened. Absolutely nothing. The FBI has nothing and we are about to ford that river with our one oxen because we can't wait any longer.

Immigration won't email us back and until we get the FBI and the immigration everything else is on hold.

And both of us are having a hard time getting the motivation to do anything else. I think we left part of our spirit in Russia and that makes everything else harder. We hold on to bright spots. A big hug from one of my four year olds. A great find at a garage sale. A good book.

So I have no news to share. The trail is hard, and most of it is just boring and long and all looks the same.

P.S. Fording the FBI river will cost you $125 and an entire lunch break. Just so you know.

Levavi Oculus

The theme of my life is "Levavi Oculus." My Hollins girls are going to make fun of me for this but it's true. Even before I went to Hollins my favorite bible passage was Psalms 121 "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth."

This weekend I was struck in the face by how horizontal my gaze had become. In this whole process the Lord has been imploring me to look to him and instead I look to myself and worry when things spin out of my control. The message at church was a profound and moving one about taking a leap of faith and trusting the Lord to catch you when you fell. Instead we are like Wyle E. Coyote after he walks off the cliff and realizes he's falling and starts waving his arms, frantically trying to stay afloat.

I was struck by how insidious the enemy is, especially in this process. Somewhere along the way I convinced myself that the mere fact that I was adopting made me a good Christian and I could let the other stuff, the actual important stuff fall by the wayside to be replaced by busyness and service. And there were good, well meaning people reaffirming this for me everyday. Adoption doesn't make us good. Adoption proves how good God is.

I am now making a concentrated effort to go back to the things that are important. I am getting back to prayer, and bible reading. I have committed myself to attend church for the next 4 weeks in a row because corporate worship is important. Adoption is not the end of the journey, it's just the beginning of a bigger journey of parenthood and these are the things that will help make us good parents.

Already we are tested. I am determined to believe that God is in control of all of this. But there are papers I sent to the FBI and I don't know that they ever got there and I don't know that they are being processed. I've emailed them but I'm not guaranteed a response. The controlling part of me wants to just redo them, get a new tracking number and send them back in. This is the part of me that wants to ignore that still small voice that says don't worry, I've got it. I'm resisting. I'm waiting. God is a big God and he has Sam's best interests at heart.

I was also reminded this week that faith is the assurance of things not seen. It is not a great time to be adopting from Russia. I am not going to say that in the past week I have not asked God why this is so hard, why we couldn't have gone an easier way. But there are things at work that we cannot see and we have faith that God's plan is perfect.

God loves Sam more than I ever could. God has plans for him that I cannot fathom. God's timing is perfect. We rest in this knowledge and hope that God brings Sam home soon.

GREAT NEWS!!!!

It appears that Russian adoptions are back on for the time being, but please continue to pray that the US and Russia will sign an adoption treaty. Russia says if no treaty is signed they will cease all adoptions to the US (possibly forever).

Thank you for all of your prayers and kinds words. We are going to need them to get through this last little bit of our adoption.

How you can help!

As you may or may not have heard Russian adoptions have been suspended as of today. As this is a political problem I have already emailed my senators, congressman and President Obama. You too can do this, because I have written an email for you.

For your Tennessee Senators and Congressmen/women here are their emails address:
Senator Lamar Alexander (I couldn't get this one to work)
Senator Bob Corker
CongressmanJim Cooper (if you live in Davidson County)
Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn(if you live in Williamson county)

Dear,

As you are aware Russia has recently suspended all adoptions to the United States have been suspended. This may or may not be permanent suspension.

I have some very close friends who recently traveled to Russia for their first of two trips to Russia to adopt their child. They told me that saying goodbye to their child on the last day of their visit to Russia was one of the hardest farewells they have ever experienced. And at that time, they only thought there would be six to ten weeks before they saw their child again. Now it could be an eternity if nothing is done.

They have also spent a very large sum of money for a young couple in their endeavor to adopt so far, and that too may be lost if nothing is done.

What I ask from you is that you make it very clear to President Obama, the Russian delegation and anyone else who may be involved in a decision to come to a quick agreement to continue Russian adoptions. Please make it clear that adoptive families would not be against required check-up by the Russian government.

Please do not let the foolish actions of one affect thousands of US families and thousands of innocent children.

Sincerely,



President Obama can be contaced HERE
Here is a letter to send to President Obama:

Dear President Obama,

As you are aware Russia has recently suspended all adoptions to the United States have been suspended. This may or may not be permanent suspension.

I have some very close friends recently traveled to Russia for their first of two trips to Russia to adopt their child. They told me that saying goodbye to their child on the last day of their visit to Russia was one of the hardest farewells they have ever experienced. And at that time, they only thought there would be six to ten weeks before they saw their child again. Now it could be an eternity if nothing is done.

They have also spent a very large sum of money for a young couple in their endeavor to adopt so far, and that too may be lost if nothing is done.

What I ask from you is that come to a quick agreement to continue Russian adoptions. Adoptive families would not be against required check-up by the Russian government.

Please do not the foolish actions of one affect thousands of US families and thousands of innocent children.

Sincerely,

If you have time please consider contacting your elected officials. Let them know that this is important.

Prayer

We are home, which is good. I missed my bed and my shower and my cats.

But home is missing the most important thing, Sam.

And we have come home under a black cloud. For those of you who haven't heard, the entire Russian adoption world is in an uproar because of one stupid woman. You can read the whole story here

Because of this one stupid woman Russia may freeze adoptions altogether. Worse still for us, she's from middle TN. I have to be optimistic and believe that God can work it out and everything will be fine. Prayer can move mountains and change hearts. I won't go into detail about how I feel about this woman but I hope the authorities will do everything they can to ensure that this doesn't happen again and so that Russia knows that we are serious about protecting their children that come here.

Other than that we are trying to get over jet lag and do the piles of laundry. We've already been to costco to get photos printed as well as the grocery store and target. We have community group tonight and then it's back to work tomorrow. I'm going to start working on our paperwork for dossier 2 so that we can get it in the mail.

Please pray as often as you think of it for the following things:
Pray that Russia keeps adoptions open.
Pray that our FBI fingerprints would get completed very quickly, we can't send our paperwork in until we get them back.
Pray for Sam. Pray that he knows we are coming back as soon as we can.
Pray for us that we endure the wait well and don't worry but put our faith in God.

A Sad Goodbye

So Carrie and I just left Sam about 5 minutes ago for our last visit this trip and I was crying. Carrie was not crying, because she was being tough and consoling me. I was crying. Did I mention I was crying. I guess it was a good thing, because the orphanage director will be testifying before the judge next time and she saw me crying, and mentioned that we must really like Sam a lot. During our final day with Sam, we played with a Chinese Lego formula one car. He also decided to take a bunch of pictures and to use our little video camera. He really loves the cameras. He was walking around the room taking pictures and at one point he got confused and had the camera backwards was taking pictures of his face (that is the picture over to the left). It was really funny and dare I say cute. Who am I kidding I was never cool in the first place. WE HAVE A SON AND HE IS CUTE. Take that all you cool people. You have murses (not your murse, Clint) and embarrassing haircuts. Anyways, he was tired today. I think he might not be sleeping well, and I know he has refused dinner these past couple of days, because we have given him so much food while we were there. Guess he is not a real American yet. He hasn't learned the fine art of gluttony. Little Sam wanted papa to take him to the bathroom not once, but twice. I don't think he actually used it the second time, but he told me to leave the bathroom. It was good that he felt comfortable enough to talk to me in Russian, because he really has been talking to Julia (our translator) more than Carrie or I. He was not on his best behavior today, which is challenging, because we do not speak Russian and he does not speak English. He wasn't bad, but he just would not listen as well as he has the past couple of days. He was still very polite. I am not really sure if it is polite or matter of fact. He asked us to bring him an apple yesterday, and today he asked if we had his apple. That was a messy ordeal. Turns our there is a reason why parents cut up apples for their children. Back to me crying, I cried, because he doesn't understand, and it is not fair to him to make him wait anymore. I can wait. I have waited almost a year, and while he has waited a couple of years I feel like we are pulling the carpet out from under him. How is he suppose to trust us when we left him? He was so happy. At least we can take comfort in the fact that we have already brought him joy.

Football and Too Many Chocolate Bars

Today started bright and early at 6:30. I think the jet lag is finally wearing off since neither of us woke up last night. After a quick breakfast we headed out on our long drive again. We stopped at the store and picked up chocolate bars and cookies (per the little man's request) as well as a few more little puzzles. Sam loves puzzles, he will fit right in with both sides of the family.

When we got to the orphanage Sam came running up and gave us both big hugs which is encouraging. He's been all smiles the past two days. After swallowing his banana practically whole, papa pulled out the little nerf football that we brought with us and he loved it! We all played catch for about 15 minutes and at the end of our time together the football disappeared along with his favorite toy the shake n go car.

After the football we did some more puzzles and played some games, memory and dominoes. He is so smart and very good at matching things together, counting, and has great fine motor skills. He is all boy though and just like Haddon told me he does not want to color. He is also very literal, one of his puzzles is a board that you put pegs in and make pictures and after he had made a line with them Julia asked him what it was and he replied “a line, just a line.” And yesterday he drew a triangle and when asked what it was he answered “a triangle”

The time today passed too quickly and all too soon it was time to leave. He gave us both big hugs and went downstairs to lunch. It was at this point that his caretakers told Julia that he was eating too many sweets so tomorrow we have been instructed to only bring fruit.

When we got back to the hotel we ate lunch (cheese, bread, and salami) and then fell asleep for a few hours. When we woke up we got a little adventurous and decided to walk to a shopping mall that Julia told us about. Unfortunately it is really cold outside and someone (Tim) didn't think I needed to bring my coat (to my[Tim's] defense that was before we decided to take a second suitcase).

Then we had dinner in the hotel restaurant again and it was delicious. I had beef stroganoff which is a Russian specialty and it was sooooo good. It was also probably filled with cream and butter. Tim ordered salted herring and it came with a shot of vodka. I was a little surprised when he drank the shot but when in Russia I guess.

We did find out that Sam has to go back to the hospital for tests on Friday so we are super bummed that today is our last day with him. Hopefully we can convince him that we are coming back real soon and hopefully we are.

I am worried because the FBI checks are taking 13 weeks and that is too long. I have started furiously praying for a miracle with this so that we can come back as soon as possible. Sam has to see the doctor and he can't get it done during the summer (July and August). I hate the thought of leaving him here but God has a plan for this. It really feels like we are in the center of God's will and so nothing can go wrong.

We love and miss you all and can't wait to come home and show all the pictures of our adorable new son!

He Called Me, Papi

So today we went to the orphanage bright and early at 8 am. Not really that early for Carrie or I, but I think it is before rush hour in St. Petersburg. We had our drive and it is not really as long as Carrie said it was yesterday. I think the real problem is that is that it is a one lane road and the speed limit is not that fast.

We again stopped at the store and picked up some juice and a dominoes game. We arrived at orphanage around 10 am. The orphanage director told us that after we left yesterday that he was really excited and he was running around her asking when we were going to come back. He also told her that he was ready to get on the plane and then asked her when his flight home was.

After talking to the orphanage director for a minute, we saw Sam. And when he came upstairs he was really excited and and crouched down as he walked over to me, and he gave me a hug. The first game we played was the dominoes. The dominoes had cartoon characters in the same genre as Tom and Jerry only they were a wolf and rabbit. We asked him which character he liked more, and he said he liked the wolf. While we were playing the game, he said something to me and he ended the sentence with Papi. That made me really excited, because he had said it before, but it was only when he was prompted. We gave him a banana and I have never seen a child eat a banana so quickly.

We played a couple of more games and we took lots of pictures and video. During one of the other games, I had got up to grab some juice for him, and he told me (translated version), “Papi, come sit down you have a card.” That cracked up everyone up.

Next we played with his favorite toy. It is a shake 'n go car. Basically, when it is shook enough it will make the noise of an engine revving up and then when it is placed on the ground it will drive by itself. He loved that toy, and we moved to a larger room for him to play with it. He made these really funny faces when it shook it up and would chase it around. It really opened him up and he acted much less shy after we played with the car for a while.

We gave Sam a pullover sweatshirt, and a couple of shirts he got really excited, and Carrie took him over to the mirror so he could see his new sweatshirt. Then Carrie gave him a little hat with ear flaps and braided ties that she had knitted him. He wore both very proudly and made a Zoolander model face in the mirror.

After this our time with him was up and we had to leave. On the drive, back we talked about going to see the Cathedral of the Spilled Blood, but after exchaning money and walking to McDonald's for lunch (very very late lunch), we decided to just call it a day, and stopped by the store, and picked up some food for dinner and some juice and chocolate for Sam.

So that sums up our second day with Sam.

P.S. It stay light here until like 9:30.

Meetings and Sam

There are not many words to describe today. Surreal, amazing, exhausting.

This morning we met Andre, our driver, and Julia our translator at the hotel and started the drive to the Ministry of Education where we met Irina, the coordinator. They told us that we were going to meet with the Regional Director for the Leningrad region and that she may ask us some questions before giving us the referral. Irina then proceeded to tell us that we were a special case because of our age and the length of our marriage combined with the fact that we can have biological children. They pretty much think we're nuts and have no idea why we're doing this. So we go up to the Director's office and sit outside while she talks to Irena.

At this point I begin furiously praying that God would speak to her and that she would be easy on us. We go into her office and she proceeds to ask us not one single question! She just read us the referral and gave us permission to visit the orphanage.

Then we got back in the van and started the loooong drive to the orphanage. We thought it was in the city but it's not. It's actually about two hours north and to get there you just drive through miles and miles and miles of forest. We stopped at a large store (think wal-mart) and picked up stuff for tea including cakes which is traditional.

Finally we got to the orphanage and it's nice. They just moved to this building a few weeks ago so everything looks nice and new. We met with the Custody Director of the Orphnage along with some of the other women who work there. The proceeded to tell us everything they could about Sam including his birthdate and some information about his parents. They also told us that because of his health he's been at the sanitarium for a long time and only comes to the orphanage occassionally but that he's going to be there all week to visit with us.

Right in the middle of the conversation one of the women walks in with our Sam and that room instantly became the size of that tiny little boy. The women kept trying to talk to us but I don't know that we heard one word they said.

He's very shy but Julia asked him to come sit down next to me and do a puzzle. He was very focused on the puzzle and would let us help him but wouldn't look at us aside from small glances. He did however keep shooting furtive glances at the cakes sitting at the end of the table. Finally we decided to eat and I have never seen such a small person each so much so quickly. In the space of about five minutes he had eaten five cakes, had four glasses of apple juice and was covered in chocolate. I think if we hadn't stopped him he would have eaten the whole box.

After the cakes he started to warm up to us more. I think someone told him that we brought the cakes and that seemed to help. We had also taken out the hot wheels cars we brought with us and it was so funny because he carried the cars around with him everywhere and wouldn't let anyone take them for long.

We started getting smiles and giggles and at this point we took out the video camera and he loved that. Tim had a video of the cats that he really liked and we found out while trying to get him to smile for a picture that he is very ticklish (just like his mama!) He has the most precious laugh and I want to spend every day from now on hearing it. It was a wonderful, too short couple of hours but we go back tomorrow and there won't be so many people in the room so hopefully we can all be a little more relaxed.

We're going back tomorrow in the morning so we don't have to interupt his nap time and have been commanded by our little man to bring him a banana and some cookies.

All in all it was not at all how I imagined it but it was perfect none the less.

One last thing we found out that really tells me this was meant to be. Sam's father's name was Stanislov. Sam really is a son of Stan.

P.S. The picture is the sunrise from our room.

We are alive and safe

We are alive and safe in Russia. The internet does not work well in our hotel room so we have to go to the lobby. We had uneventful flights, except I lost one of my flip flops while boarding the last plane and a Russian woman gave it to me. She didn't look too happy. We should get to see Sam tomorrow. His orphanage is about 2 hours away from St. Petersburg. Thanks for all of your prayers.