Hope Produces Perseverance

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:2-5 Adoption is not a sprint, it is definately a marathon and in the last few days it definately feels like we hit the wall. Along with the joy of potential travel dates came an email that basically says that people in Russia feels like E would require too much care, that trying to adopt her may hurt our chances to get S and that we should basically give it up and move on. This was extremely hard to hear. In our hearts E is our daughter and I could not picture going over there and knowing that she was being left in an orphanage. This is where hope becomes so important. We will try as hard as we can to bring her home with us this time. We will persevere. But if it doesn't come to pass we will not give up. In two years when we can adopt again we will try again to go back and get her. I cannot imagine doing this all over again, or how long that two years will be but in this case hope will produce perseverance not the other way around. And we still have hope in the knowledge that God is sovereign over every single bit of this process. If he wants E to come home with us she will. And if we have to wait two years for that day than that is God's plan too. God did not leave us and so we cannot leave her. We hope. We pray. And we trust that God is bigger than all of this.

Lots of News is Great News!!!

So we finished our homestudy yesterday. It was relatively painless. Our social worker came out and was probably only here for twenty minutes.

And then this afternoon we got the email we'd been waiting for. We can get S. They found another agency. And E is still available. It's the reason she's still available that's a little problematic. We knew their mom had tested positive for HIV and Hepatitis C but that S was negative. E is still testing positive but she's only a little over a year old and apparently false positives are pretty regular up until about 18 months, although from what I've read it's can be true even later than that. We have to ask ourselves if we are prepared to raise a child with these medical problems. We are keeping the door open for now. I can't bear the thought of splitting them up or leaving my little E in what I've read are terrible baby homes (they put babies that test positive in separate baby homes). Tim is more skeptical. 

We also found out that little S just tested positive for TB. This isn't tragic, it may just delay our travel. But pray for the little guy. Pray that he heals fast and that God would prepare his heart for us. 

But we got them. We are a go!

Two more little feet

So our little S does have a little sister. And rather than continue to call her S's little sister we've (more like I've) decided to give her a name. I searched many baby names and decided I like the name E. It means "God has answered." And while we're not entirely sure we'll even get S and E I still think that God has answered so many of our prayers in the process.

I like saying their names together. S and E (you don't know what they are but they are beautiful.) And to be honest, sometimes it seems too big. Two adoptions, two kids at once, how on earth are we going to do that? And then I think about decorating a room for a boy and a girl. I think about the box of little dresses that my grandmother made for me that could be worn again. I think about little hair bows and princess movies. And I think about how Tim's heart will melt when they hand him that little girl (he thinks he's tough, I know better.) And when I think about these things she's not just S's sister. She's ours.

We're having a conference call with the Bethany people on Monday, including the Russia person and I think they may try to talk us out of S. So much is still unsure about that program at the moment. Although I did just check that agency's website and the information about their Russia program is back up whereas before it just said something about the accreditation. I really feel like S and E are mine. I want to dig my heels in about this. I think something has changed because even two weeks ago I don't think I felt this strongly. I've really been asking God if we should wait for S or move forward and my heart feels like the answer is S and E. Even if it takes longer. Even if it's harder. You do what you have to for your children. God wouldn't do any less for us.