September

We just got an email that our judge is on Vacation until August 20th. This means that even if our paperwork is perfect and she has no problems with it we still won't be in Russia before September. I was not prepared for this.

When you are adopting the number one thing people tell you is that God's timing is perfect. While you wait and wait and wait people tell you that God has a plan and it's all for the best.

Today I don't believe that. Today I am angry and sad and miserable and this timing can't possibly be perfect. How is it perfect for my son to sit in an orphanage for 3 more months? How is it perfect for his room to continue to be empty and his toys to go unplayed with? It's not perfect. It's stupid. It's stupid and I'm angry. I'm tired of being patient and smiling and telling people that God will work it out. I'm tired of thinking about things and then thinking "Oh, we won't be here for that." and then it comes and we're still here. I'm so tired of almost being a mom.

Today is not a good day.