Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday S!

Today is S's birthday. At least we think it is. I was telling my third grade class at church this and asking them to pray for me because I knew that today would make me feel sad and they didn't really understand why. So I've decided to take on their attitude and not be sad. On S's third birthday I didn't know he existed, on his fourth I'm praying for him like crazy, and on his fifth I will buy him the gigantic cupcakes from costco and some obnoxious boy present that is big and loud and that I will probably regret immediately.

We bought paint for the kid's room this weekend and last night at 5 pm I wanted to pull everything out of the room and just go at it. Tim wisely stopped me but the urge remains. We are so busy this week that no painting will be done until probably Friday. If I can wait that long. The paint makes it feel real. The fact that Tim has found toddler beds on the internet and that we have every intention of buying them makes it real. The fact that I called my mom this morning and was trying to subtly hint at her that I wanted to make (rather I wanted her to make) quilts for their beds and she brought it up first makes it real.

Also, it is very hard to figure out a room that needs to be both for a boy and a girl. I mean there is a reason that there is nothing on the walls in our room and that they are the same beige color they were when we moved it. We decided on green for the walls, with brown and navy accents for S and pink and brown accents for E. I don't know how this is going to turn out but we shall see.

Pray for my little S today on his birthday. He's four, and if you were to ask any of the 3 year-olds in my Sunday School class that is a very important birthday.

Things we have done this week:

• Printed out 2250 pages on our printer.
• Printed out 500 return envelopes
• Printed out 500 regular envelopes
• Spent what feels like a million dollars on stamps, ink, paper, pens, etc.
• Perforated the bottoms of 750 pages so that they would easily be tear off.
• Cleaned the house (at least the bottom portion of it)
• Met with Bethany
• Cried about S (okay, that was just me and just a little bit.)

That doesn't look like on paper how much it feels like. I'll talk about Bethany and then tell you what all the printing is about.

Tim and I went to Bethany on Monday to meet with our social worker and have a conference call with the woman in charge of their Russian program. Basically we got no real news. They are still working on it. Little S does have a sister but someone may be trying to adopt her separately. It's funny that they won't let people outside of Russia split up siblings, but they will let Russians do it. We know that if God wants us to get E we will. So we made a decision to get moving on our homestudy and when all the paperwork is complete we'll revisit the decision about St. Petersburg. We can always submit our dossier to Russia for a referral and if S becomes available in that time we can switch it. It was a good meeting though because our social worker, Lisa, seems really in our corner and like she wants to do whatever she can to help us get S. That was good to hear. Although it does seem like if we have to wait for a referral we might not have to wait too long because we would want a boy.

As for all the printing. Tonight is the big night of our Both Hands letter stuffing party. I'm trying not to be worried. Tim of course is not worried. His faith in this kind of stuff is bigger than mine. I just feel like we've put so much into this both time wise and financially that if it doesn't work we will have taken two steps backwards. I know that God is bigger than this, it's just the believing it part.

If you're coming tonight I will tell you that my mom is making cheesecake brownies and apple cake and we're getting two huge stuffed papa murphy's pizzas as well as a couple of regular ones, so you won't leave hungry.

Pray for S today. I don't know why. Just pray for him. Maybe it's a newly sprouting mom's intuition but I just feel like he needs it.

Let the paperchase begin!

As of yesterday, Tim and I have officially applied to be adoptive parents! The formal application, as well as a bunch of other paperwork, and a rather large check were put in the mail yesterday and will hopefully be at Bethany on Monday. It feels official now. It feels like I can say "Tim and I are adopting a child" now and not just that we're thinking about it.

We're still trying to get more info on S. Pastor Marty said it would be a good idea to get a better picture of his background and we agreed. Hopefully there won't be anything there we aren't prepared to handle. I'm still a little unsure of what we could handle. I ask myself a hundred questions a day. Would we be able to care for a child who were deaf? What about a child that didn't talk? What about a child with slight medical needs? This needs to be prayed about more I guess. God will bring us the right child at the right time and if that child is S than that's wonderful.

I do feel like even if S isn't meant for us this isn't all for naught. In the past few weeks I've become S's prayer warrior. I pray for him constantly. Pray that he's laughing, or that he's warm, or that he's not hungry. Pray that he can sense God's love and our love even in the orphanage. I pray that someone would make him a paper airplane like I do for Kal, the four-year-old that visits my Sunday school class. I pray that he's not sad and that he can come home with us soon. I pray about new spiderman sneakers. I pray that he can wait, and we can wait. I pray for joy in the waiting.

It does sort of feel like people are trying to get us to adopt a baby or a younger child, but Tim and I both feel like God is calling us in a different direction. A four or five year-old is much less likely to get adopted than a baby and I feel like this is the right direction. We know that it will be harder but both of us love a good challenge. God is preparing our child just like he's preparing us. I know it.

S

When you first get in contact with an agency or anywhere they send you links to dozens of pictures of kids waiting to be adopted. It sort of feels like your on match.com or something, looking at pictures and short blurbs and feeling like you should choose one. Which feels awful. All of them are cute and need parents and are special and beloved by God. For awhile I was falling in love with a different kid a day. And then there was S. S's picture was only posted last week and there is no information attached aside from the fact that he's basically healthy, he's 4, and he's in Eastern Europe somewhere. The picture is blurry and he's not smiling. And I fell in love. Tim doesn't really believe me yet. He thinks it'll pass like it did with the rest of them. I think he doesn't really want to get attached to anyone as a sort of protection measure. So I pray for S, I pray about S. I worry about him and check hourly to see if any more information has been posted. Someone said when it's supposed to be your child you'll know. And I think S is mine. As for the other stuff, the paper work is getting done. I finally finished the actual formal application last night, I sent off for my new passport, Tim's going in to the post office on Saturday to get his. I have a self imposed deadline of the 31st for getting most of this stuff done. Some of it we can't control (like sending the marriage license in with my passport and not wanting to get another one). Tim doesn't quite understand my impatience but S is waiting for us. I know it. P.S. Tim says I'm being mean to him and I didn't intend that at all. I know Tim is excited and I know he's supportive when I get all crazy about this stuff. I also know that he is ten times more cautious than I am. He's the smart one, I am not. I will get my heart crushed by this process and he will have to pick up the pieces. Almost unavoidable. I just want him to be like me and he's not. Plus I'm trying to convince him on S. Not that I'm the one who should do the convincing, that's up to God. But I'm praying about that too ;-)