S

When you first get in contact with an agency or anywhere they send you links to dozens of pictures of kids waiting to be adopted. It sort of feels like your on match.com or something, looking at pictures and short blurbs and feeling like you should choose one. Which feels awful. All of them are cute and need parents and are special and beloved by God. For awhile I was falling in love with a different kid a day. And then there was S. S's picture was only posted last week and there is no information attached aside from the fact that he's basically healthy, he's 4, and he's in Eastern Europe somewhere. The picture is blurry and he's not smiling. And I fell in love. Tim doesn't really believe me yet. He thinks it'll pass like it did with the rest of them. I think he doesn't really want to get attached to anyone as a sort of protection measure. So I pray for S, I pray about S. I worry about him and check hourly to see if any more information has been posted. Someone said when it's supposed to be your child you'll know. And I think S is mine. As for the other stuff, the paper work is getting done. I finally finished the actual formal application last night, I sent off for my new passport, Tim's going in to the post office on Saturday to get his. I have a self imposed deadline of the 31st for getting most of this stuff done. Some of it we can't control (like sending the marriage license in with my passport and not wanting to get another one). Tim doesn't quite understand my impatience but S is waiting for us. I know it. P.S. Tim says I'm being mean to him and I didn't intend that at all. I know Tim is excited and I know he's supportive when I get all crazy about this stuff. I also know that he is ten times more cautious than I am. He's the smart one, I am not. I will get my heart crushed by this process and he will have to pick up the pieces. Almost unavoidable. I just want him to be like me and he's not. Plus I'm trying to convince him on S. Not that I'm the one who should do the convincing, that's up to God. But I'm praying about that too ;-)