Guess who was on the nice list...

We had a wonderful Christmas here in the Tweten household. A lovely Christmas Eve service followed by a delicious dinner at Chili's and then the morning we all look forward to. 

Christmas morning I woke up early and tried to let Tim sleep. It didn't work and so we were up by 7. 

Our tree looked  like this. Lovely and piled high with presents. 

But the one who really made out this Christmas is our little S. 

A new bed

A whole bunch of fancy clothes courtesy of some Gap gift cards. 

Our three favorites: a little pea coat, a batman shirt that says "I do my own stunts", and a shirt with a steam roller on it that says " this is how I roll" (that's Tim's favorite)

Where the Wild Things Are from Mom and Chuck the Talking Dump Truck from Dad

We had a lot of fun getting stuff for him and can't wait until next year when he's actually here.

I have the rest of the week off, tomorrow I am visiting the Bethany Office, the County Clerk's office and the Secretary of State's office and hopefully will get all of the paperwork signed, sealed and delivered and off to Russia ASAP. 

I'm also working on S's quilt and curtains for his room. I'll post pictures when it's finished. 

I hope everyone had a great Christmas!

A Christmas Letter

So there is absolutely no way that Christmas cards are going out from this branch of the Twetens. I had every intention of sending them, I promise. I was even going to write out one of those Christmas letters that everyone seems to like so much. And then it occurred to me that there is still a stack of thank you cards waiting to be sent from our fundraiser and if we have to buy any more stamps this year we may as well be subsidizing the post office.

So here it is. The Tweten Family Christmas letter in all it's glory, just minus the postage.

Dear friends and family -

It has been a crazy year in this Tweten Household.

Most of you already know all this so I'll just hit the high points.

Carrie decided in March that having a corporate job was not all it was cracked up to be and even though she swore she would never do it, decided to go back to school and get her masters. She just hit the mid point and is now on the down hill slide of the program. She is enjoying all of her classes and is only mildly dreading the Science class she's starting in January. She could also use some prayer on January 9th when she will be sitting in cold classrooms all morning long taking two praxis exams. She's sure she'll pass but a little prayer never hurt. She is looking forward to going into the classroom and the age she wants to teach changes weekly. Currently she's thinking kindergarten, mostly because the 3 and 4 year olds in her Sunday school class are so sweet. She's crazy, we know.

Tim is working away at his job and is excited to be joining the social committee next year so that he can be overlord of the party planning committee. It's just a short step from there to CEO. He's also enjoying his work with the junior highers at our church, and I've seen him grow as he teaches them. He even won the "Mr. Dependable" award at their latest Christmas party.

In April we adopted another cat (we are one cat away from crazy cat people), his name is Henri, and due to an accident involving a fence when we got him he only had three legs. Tim was convinced no one was going to adopt him, so we had to. He fits right in with Charley and spends a good portion of the day terrorizing Sophie.

Tim likes to call Henri our distraction from the real thing. In May we met with Bethany Christian Services about our calling to adopt. It seems strange that it was that long ago but I still remember how nervous we were sitting on that couch, basically deciding to have a baby.

It has been a long eight months. Since May we have filled out more paperwork than seems humanly possible, fallen in love with our little man S, had every aspect of our lives analyzed, and felt the frustration of having something this important be so completely out of our control. We never thought in October when we finished our homestudy process that we would still be waiting for it to be completed and approved at the end of the year. We never thought when we saw S's little face on Bethany's website that we would shortly be praying for a sister too. We know that God's timing is perfect, even when it's just paperwork.

In October we were involved in nothing short of a miracle. All of you know about our Both Hands Project, if you don't, click on the Both Hands Tag on the left. One crisp fall Saturday we watched our friends, our family, and a whole bunch of teenagers give their lives away to help people they had never met. It was great. The video says it better than I could, so if you haven't already, watch that.

Christmas this year is going to be pretty mellow as we try and reconcile various Christmas traditions. Do we eat Mexican food on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Do we open presents in the morning or in the evening? Do we eat Turkey or prime rib? Mostly we are spending this Christmas praying for S and E and wishing they were here instead of thousands of miles away. Both of us said we weren't going to buy anything for them for Christmas and both of us were lying. Mostly we spend this Christmas looking forward to the next when hopefully our tree will have a few homemade ornaments, and a lot more gifts under the tree.

This year was a good year for us. God has taught both of us wonderful things about joy and patience and loving someone you've never met. This year was a good year, but we know that next year will be better.

We hope all of you have a wonderful Christmas filled with the love of our Savior, the peace of the Holy Spirit, and the wonder of the Heavenly Father.

And next year we promise to send actual Christmas cards with (hopefully) an awesome family photo.

Merry Christmas and Happy 2010,

Tim and Carrie

Our Christmas List

I guess our Christmas list is more of a prayer list then a gift list. If you think about us or S and E this Christmas season pray for us. Specially for:

• S to get healed quickly from his TB
• E that she will test negative
• E that God will provide our the correct family for her whether that is us or another family
• For us that our financing will come through
• For us that we remain faithful to God's will through this journey
• For the Russian judge that God will continue to work on his/her heart
• That this process remains about God and S and E
• That S and E will be able to bond quickly to us

Merry Christmas everyone! Thank you for all of your support!

P.S. That is my grown up Christmas list. I always wanted to say that.

The biggest $3.00 in the whole world

Ok, so money is a huge part of adoption. And learning to trust God to provide said money is an even bigger part of adoption, one I struggle with all the time. Where is it going to come from, why isn't it coming faster, etc. I was moaning and complaining about it all weekend. Until I was given a much needed wake up call.

I teach a Sunday school class full of the sweetest, cutest three year olds on the planet. I love everyone of them dearly. There are a few that I love especially. Haddon is one of them. Funny and curious and sweet, he is everything a little boy should be. This week he walked into class with a plastic bag full of coins and a few bills and handed it to me. Assuming it was for our compassion child I started to put it into the box when is mom told him to tell me what it was for. He looked up at me and said, "It's for your baby."

His mom told me he had emptied his piggy bank for our Sam. And I was floored. After church I took the bag out to the car and handed it to Tim and told him that it was from Haddon for our baby. He was pretty much as speechless as I was.

God speaks to us in different ways. We are learning through this adoption. I would be lying if I said this was the first lesson those three year olds have taught me, but this may have been the sweetest. God provides just what we need, just when we need it.

I've said more than once that if I could choose I would have S be like Haddon. Now I think I wish I could be like Haddon, I wish everyone could be like Haddon. The world would be a better place if we were.

Homestudy APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!

Or Homestudy Approve!!!!!(1st tweet) D!!(2nd tweet) as I posted on my twitter account yesterday. For all you fimilar with the Target lady on SNL that is the video we wanted to post, but just her saying, "Approved!!!" Also, I would like to point our that our homestudy got approved yesterday on MY birthday. I really cannot take any credit for that, because it was all the God. So now the real paperchase begins. We received a 58 page dossier from Bethany yesterday and we (more Carrie) began frevantly filling it out. And there is a bunch of money due with the dossier when we send it in. We are ready to get little S out of the sanatorium and bring him home. He is still sick with TB and we are praying for him non-stop. So that is where we are at as far as the adoption goes. Lifesong featured our Both Hands project and Carrie's writeup about that day in our their monthly publication "Mission Moments." Thank you to everyone who participated whether you were there or you gave. It can be found here. http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/MissionMoments/09Nov.html Lifesong recently changed their policy regarding monies raised by Both Hands projects. We will received all the money with no debt. That means that we will not have to pay back any of the money raised. If you were thinking about giving Lifesong there is still time. Lifesong has made it really easy too. You can give online now directly to our account. We are the one at the top. http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/bhProj.html

Joy

So it has been over a month since we completed our homestudy. We have been waiting on the approval of the homestudy since that time. What we thought would just be a day or two wait has been a draw out process that is both frustrating and time consuming. Russia is 9 hours ahead of us and so really the only time communication can happen is early in the morning here which is late in the afternoon in Russia. I would say that is a difficult month, but not terrible. But in the small group of 8th graders that I lead, we have been learning about joy. Yeah that is really hard to teach about joy when I have to deal with day after day of frustrating news. I have been angry, annoyed and exhausted trying to deal with this wait. But yet I teach about joy and contemptment. Oh yeah and then there was the week on being in joyful in trials. Good times (at least I got to study about the outcome of trials). I really don't think it was a coincidence. It is hard to be too upset when I have to read Phillipians. Paul wrote that from jail. He used the words joyful words throughout that book, 16 times to be exact. So that has been my struggle throughout our wait. I think that it really hits home with a couple of songs that I have recently heard. One is by Bebo Norman "The Only Hope." You can listen to it below. But he basically talks about how we have decided what we want and that is not always what God wants. I think it really is about joy. One line is "I want a star, but You are a galaxy." I want to cling onto that star, but God is so much more and that is where I need to be joyful.

The Only Hope - Bebo Norman

the other is by Steven Curtis Chapman (you have probably heard this one...I know I have). It is talking about the recent lose of his adopted daughter and that heaven for him right now would be to see her. Later in the song (you can also listen below), he talks about heaven being so much more. And my take away from both of these songs is that what I sometimes think as joy is just a glimpse when I do not allow God to be my source of joy.

Heaven Is The Face - Steven Cu...

Thanksgiving and Black Friday

Happy late Thanksgiving everyone! We had a great thanksgiving with my mom yesterday and I made everything! The turkey, the sweet potatoes, the green beans, the rolls! The only things I didn't make were the desserts, that's my mom's speciality. We had a great day snacking on sticky buns and chips and dip and playing cards and napping. It was great having it at our house because it meant we didn't have to change out of our pajamas until 4:00. Hopefully next year we'll have even more to be thankful for and more mouths to feed!

Black Friday started early for me, I got up at 5:30 to go to Lowe's to buy a Christmas tree, the first artificial one I've ever had in my life which is sort of sad but last year the cats kept trying to eat the real one. They're still trying to eat the plastic one but hopefully they'll be less successful. I was home by six with a mocha in one hand and the tree in the other and Tim was still snoozing away. I also hit up old navy online which was awesome because they had all the same deals as in store without the lines and free shipping. We got a bunch of stuff and saved about $80. I also forced myself not to look at the kid's stuff because we don't need to buy any of that stuff yet. It is tempting though. 

We are so blessed and thankful for everything the Lord has given us. 

I hope everyone out there had a great Thanksgiving and is finding great deals today!

KGB

This knock knock joke sums up how we feel about Russia. (There is the H-E-double hockey sticks word in there so be please be advised)
via videosift.com

All I want for my birthday...

Today is my birthday and all I want is our home study to be approved. That and maybe for this cough to go away so that I can get more than two consecutive hours of sleep at a time. I will not lie, the past week has been frustrating. We must have given the adoption agency a hundred reasons why we want to adopt and it feels like most of them have been rejected as not good enough, too religious, not specific, etc. I'm almost to the point of asking them what it is they want me to say so that I can say it. I know this is part of the process, I know the process can be frustrating, but this specifically has been hard on me. Tim is so good, he just takes it in stride. I am not patient. I know that the longer this takes the less and less likely it is anything gets done in Russia before mid-January. We did get a wonderful surprise this week. I have been drooling over the Rosetta Stone Russian program for probably two months and our family sent it to Tim and I as a combined birthday present! BbI! (that's sort of Russian for Thank you!) We have such a wonderful supportive family we could not have asked for better! God is faithful. God controls even Russian bureaucrats. I will be strong, take heart, and wait on the Lord.

Paint, quilts, and reasons why

The last week has been crazy.

Today I took the day off of work and did a whole bunch of stuff for the kids. I

cleaned out the closet in their room and then my mom and I went to JoAnn's to get quilting fabric for their quilts. This was an adventure as neither my mom nor I really quilt, but after seeing the price of toddler bedding I knew that that wasn't going to happen. So quilts are started. I bought two stuffed animals on amazon and Tim and I painted their room tonight. It's scary to prepare this way. Nothing is assured but God is faithful and it seems right and good.

We also waited all week for our home study to be approved. It was supposed to be approved today but instead we got an e-mail from our social worker saying that the director in St. Petersburg was worried because the courts there have been especially difficult lately and she wanted us to elaborate on why we wanted to adopt, why didn't we wait and have biological children first, why now, etc. This was a little hard to hear. There are lots of reasons why we want to adopt now and why we don't want to have biological children first but all of those reasons are pretty personal and none of them are probably going to satisfy a Russian judge. We wrote back a bunch of reasons but I don't know if it's going to be enough but as my mom said "God controls Russian judges too."

Pray for our homestudy and pray that God gives us the right words to explain our hearts.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday S!

Today is S's birthday. At least we think it is. I was telling my third grade class at church this and asking them to pray for me because I knew that today would make me feel sad and they didn't really understand why. So I've decided to take on their attitude and not be sad. On S's third birthday I didn't know he existed, on his fourth I'm praying for him like crazy, and on his fifth I will buy him the gigantic cupcakes from costco and some obnoxious boy present that is big and loud and that I will probably regret immediately.

We bought paint for the kid's room this weekend and last night at 5 pm I wanted to pull everything out of the room and just go at it. Tim wisely stopped me but the urge remains. We are so busy this week that no painting will be done until probably Friday. If I can wait that long. The paint makes it feel real. The fact that Tim has found toddler beds on the internet and that we have every intention of buying them makes it real. The fact that I called my mom this morning and was trying to subtly hint at her that I wanted to make (rather I wanted her to make) quilts for their beds and she brought it up first makes it real.

Also, it is very hard to figure out a room that needs to be both for a boy and a girl. I mean there is a reason that there is nothing on the walls in our room and that they are the same beige color they were when we moved it. We decided on green for the walls, with brown and navy accents for S and pink and brown accents for E. I don't know how this is going to turn out but we shall see.

Pray for my little S today on his birthday. He's four, and if you were to ask any of the 3 year-olds in my Sunday School class that is a very important birthday.

Amazed and Thankful

This isn't about Carrie or me. It is about so much more and we are at the bottom of the list of people that it is about. God is at the top and we are on the bottom (in the cellar). In the middle, we have S and E, Mrs. Lee, our foreman, our videographer, the donors and the workers to just name a few. Carrie and I are amazed at the response this video is generated. It would be really easy to look at it and say look what we did, but I feel lucky to be included in this whole thing. God doesn't need me. But I so desperately need Him. I am just thankful He loves me. The fact that He may entrust me with raising these two young Russian children is incredible. Why me? I could work on 1000 widow's houses and still be unworthy. The day we were composing our letters these lyrics from a Caedmon's Call song came to mind and we put it at the top of the letter: We put the walls up, but Jesus keeps them standing. He doesn't need us, but He lets us put our hands in. So we can see, His love is bigger than you and me. I think that sums it up.

Both Hands Project

We had a great time and got a ton of work done. Thanks to everyone who was apart in making this happen. We couldn't have blessed Mrs. Francis the way we did without your help. There is still time to give! Make Checks payable to "Lifesong for Orphans" and write "Tweten #1009" in the memo line. The address for Lifesong is: Lifesong for Orphans PO Box 40 Gridley, IL 61744 Okay, Carrie Here. I didn't want to try and figure out how to put the youtube video up again and so I'm just going to tack on to what Tim already wrote. This weekend was amazing. I don't know that I've felt the prescence of God as strongly as I felt it for eight hours on Saturday. From getting the entire house painted to finding Evan's wedding ring after a furious search God led this project and we were just the hands. The adoption feels real now. I think someone called me a mom for the first time this weekend and it was almost too much. And God is moving our hearts, especially for little E. I know he's moving Tim's heart because yesterday when I started looking at children's furniture for the eighty billionth time on the internet and I pointed out a cute little girl bed he said "that's too big, she needs a smaller bed than that". His heart is bigger than I can tell you. And we are truly blessed. We have wonderful friends, wondeful families, a wonderful church body, we've met a wonderful woman in Francis Lee, and God is good.

Lots of News is Great News!!!

So we finished our homestudy yesterday. It was relatively painless. Our social worker came out and was probably only here for twenty minutes.

And then this afternoon we got the email we'd been waiting for. We can get S. They found another agency. And E is still available. It's the reason she's still available that's a little problematic. We knew their mom had tested positive for HIV and Hepatitis C but that S was negative. E is still testing positive but she's only a little over a year old and apparently false positives are pretty regular up until about 18 months, although from what I've read it's can be true even later than that. We have to ask ourselves if we are prepared to raise a child with these medical problems. We are keeping the door open for now. I can't bear the thought of splitting them up or leaving my little E in what I've read are terrible baby homes (they put babies that test positive in separate baby homes). Tim is more skeptical. 

We also found out that little S just tested positive for TB. This isn't tragic, it may just delay our travel. But pray for the little guy. Pray that he heals fast and that God would prepare his heart for us. 

But we got them. We are a go!

Pray for No Rain

So our Both Hands project is this SATURDAY!! But there is rain in the days leading up to the project day for most people this wouldn't matter, but for the widow's house we are working on there is a stream right in front of her house. If there is too much rain then the stream becomes to large and we will not be able to cross it. I feel like maybe we could call up Moses. Bible humor never gets old. I also kept thinking of that old game "Oregon Trail." I would like to forge across the river. Maybe float across or take a ferry across. Please pray for no rain. I know that we could reschedule the work day, but I also know that God is bigger than any rain cloud so we are just having faith that His will is done with our work day. Our foreman and I did some work on her house last night. I had my first experience with a pressure washer. Our foreman caulked some windows up all in preparation for all the millions of Junior Highers and High Schoolers that will soon be descending on her house to paint. I am really excited about this project and I really want her to be blessed by our efforts. I also want her to see Christ's love through our actions, so please pray that we are minimized and God is maximized on Saturday.

Prince Charming

We spend a lot of time on this blog talking about the adoption. Which makes sense, because this is an adoption blog. But during this homestudy process we've both spent a lot of time talking about ourselves. And I thought what better time than now to tell you about the person I love most on the whole planet.

My husband, Tim (see him over there in that adorable picture?), is wonderful. He's smart and funny and generous. He lets me watch stupid tv shows and doesn't make fun of me when I take baths when it's 80 degrees outside or when I cry watching Jim and Pam's wedding. Wait, he did make fun of me for that but only a little bit so that's okay. He will often make dinner and then do the dishes. He brings me soda when I'm sitting on the couch and don't want to get up. He loves the cats a ridiculous amounts and is psychic when it comes to things sports announcers are going to say during football games. He is ridiculously excited about being a dad and doing dad things. He cares more about spending time with me than he does about his job or his car or the state of the lawn. He is my prince charming and now all you ladies out there are jealous.

This post has no other point than to let you all know a little bit more about my husband and why I am so excited to be adopting S with him.

Product Review

We received our psych evaluations in the mail earlier this week and as we read through them we were encouraged about our ability to be parents. But really why should an evaluation encourage us about our ability to be parents? We want to be parents. I think a lot of parenting is actually wanting to be a parent. I have no idea, but I am guessing that has a big part in being a parent. I was really thinking about all the evaluations we have to go through, and I am realizing that it is like we are product and all these psychologists and case workers are like professional product reviewers. I am just waiting for the form or evaluation that we are an 8 of 10 or that we 89% on the tomatometer. It seems kind of silly, but as we continue the homestudy, I just feel like a piece of meat or maybe an HDTV. I really want an HDTV, but I don't like to be reviewed like one. But I guess that is the process, and I am ok with it, because so far I am a pretty good product.

Homestudy Started!!!

We have officially begun the homestudy process! This is very exciting because that means that our homestudy could be complete in the next two weeks and then we can begin submitting paperwork to Russia. Hopefully the St. Petersburg problem will be solved in two weeks. If you pray for anything pray that God would move mountains there so that we can bring S home.

Things we have done this week:

• Printed out 2250 pages on our printer.
• Printed out 500 return envelopes
• Printed out 500 regular envelopes
• Spent what feels like a million dollars on stamps, ink, paper, pens, etc.
• Perforated the bottoms of 750 pages so that they would easily be tear off.
• Cleaned the house (at least the bottom portion of it)
• Met with Bethany
• Cried about S (okay, that was just me and just a little bit.)

That doesn't look like on paper how much it feels like. I'll talk about Bethany and then tell you what all the printing is about.

Tim and I went to Bethany on Monday to meet with our social worker and have a conference call with the woman in charge of their Russian program. Basically we got no real news. They are still working on it. Little S does have a sister but someone may be trying to adopt her separately. It's funny that they won't let people outside of Russia split up siblings, but they will let Russians do it. We know that if God wants us to get E we will. So we made a decision to get moving on our homestudy and when all the paperwork is complete we'll revisit the decision about St. Petersburg. We can always submit our dossier to Russia for a referral and if S becomes available in that time we can switch it. It was a good meeting though because our social worker, Lisa, seems really in our corner and like she wants to do whatever she can to help us get S. That was good to hear. Although it does seem like if we have to wait for a referral we might not have to wait too long because we would want a boy.

As for all the printing. Tonight is the big night of our Both Hands letter stuffing party. I'm trying not to be worried. Tim of course is not worried. His faith in this kind of stuff is bigger than mine. I just feel like we've put so much into this both time wise and financially that if it doesn't work we will have taken two steps backwards. I know that God is bigger than this, it's just the believing it part.

If you're coming tonight I will tell you that my mom is making cheesecake brownies and apple cake and we're getting two huge stuffed papa murphy's pizzas as well as a couple of regular ones, so you won't leave hungry.

Pray for S today. I don't know why. Just pray for him. Maybe it's a newly sprouting mom's intuition but I just feel like he needs it.

Two more little feet

So our little S does have a little sister. And rather than continue to call her S's little sister we've (more like I've) decided to give her a name. I searched many baby names and decided I like the name E. It means "God has answered." And while we're not entirely sure we'll even get S and E I still think that God has answered so many of our prayers in the process.

I like saying their names together. S and E (you don't know what they are but they are beautiful.) And to be honest, sometimes it seems too big. Two adoptions, two kids at once, how on earth are we going to do that? And then I think about decorating a room for a boy and a girl. I think about the box of little dresses that my grandmother made for me that could be worn again. I think about little hair bows and princess movies. And I think about how Tim's heart will melt when they hand him that little girl (he thinks he's tough, I know better.) And when I think about these things she's not just S's sister. She's ours.

We're having a conference call with the Bethany people on Monday, including the Russia person and I think they may try to talk us out of S. So much is still unsure about that program at the moment. Although I did just check that agency's website and the information about their Russia program is back up whereas before it just said something about the accreditation. I really feel like S and E are mine. I want to dig my heels in about this. I think something has changed because even two weeks ago I don't think I felt this strongly. I've really been asking God if we should wait for S or move forward and my heart feels like the answer is S and E. Even if it takes longer. Even if it's harder. You do what you have to for your children. God wouldn't do any less for us.

Wandering In Emails

Lately, I have been feeling like we are wandering aimlessly around in the mess of paperwork and emails. It is not really a sad or depressing state, but just where we are in the process. Waiting is not easy. I think about the Israelites who wandered in the desert for over 40 years. Just walking around the desert all day long following cloud by day and fire by night. Not that waiting 3 or 4 or even 20 weeks is even comparable to wandering without purpose for 40 years, but I feel like we are wandering around waiting to get into the promise land of adoption. We occasionally get a sign of hope like today Carrie discovered Russia's website that shows all orphans available for adoption. We found S on the site and it says he does have a sibling. So that discovery was like manna from the sky. Of course, we then were in contact with our agency and had this feeling of almost "lost paradise" when they told us we may not qualify financially to adopt from Russia. But unlike the Israelites, we know that God is in control and no matter what happens His will is greater than our own.

Trains

When I was a little girl I used to take the train to my grandmother's house. This sounds very exciting and the first time I did it I thought so too. But the thing is California is a very very long state. And trains are surprisingly very very slow. For the first half hour or so everything on the train is interesting and the coloring books my mom stuck in my backpack were new and exciting and I could watch people settle in and look out the window and it was great. And then slowly it would get less and less exciting and I'd just start itching to be at my grandma's house, trying on new handmade dresses and eating fritos. And then the worst part. The train would inevitably stop. Completely stop in the same place for like 20 minutes at a time. Which when you're eight years old feels like a life time. That's how I was starting to feel about the adoption process. Stopped, with no control over when I can start moving again and no idea how long it will be until I get to my destination. And then God sent along the metaphorical snack cart. Last night was the first meeting of our both hands team and sitting there among friends I felt renewed. Like maybe everything wasn't just stopped. We have amazing incredible friends and it would have been worth is just to have them all in the same space for awhile but having them in the same place and knowing that they were there to support us was just what I needed. Maybe it's just that I needed a project. But I don't think so. I think I was prepared for this journey to go one specific way and when it stopped going that way I was very discouraged. Looking back I know that an eight year-old can't drive a train, but somehow I always managed to get to my grandmother's house. So I'm praying that I will be able to let God lead and trusting that he'll get us safely to our destination.

Quick Thought

It is not about the first step of faith, but the steps that follow it are what really count.

Adopt A Scarf / Am I Crazy?

So Carrie has been knitting away like a knitting machine. And I have been trying to remember how to program a website. You may be asking yourself what is the outcome of these two things, and I am going to tell you: www.adoptascarf.com It is a ok website with some awesome knitted products with all the proceeds going to help fund our adoption. So it is neat and we use paypal so it is safe too. Anyways, this week in adoption news we had our psych evaluations done. I know I am not crazy, but taking that test sure made me question my sanity. With questions like, "Are your thoughts broadcast to others?" "Are your favorite hobbies archery and stamp collecting?" Some question about a random poet being your favorite or even "Do you believe that you are going to be famous?" Just trying to ask those made me feel crazy, because I kept thinking to myself what sane person has to answer this junk. Plus it was like 323 questions which is a lot because with all the negative, double negatives and I believe one triple negative my brain got tired. Don't worry I ratted out all my friends and family members who I think may be crazy. You know who you are. Just joking, but I am guessing if I had I probably would have failed. There was also a personality test with a and b questions. I decided that after taking it I don't have a personality. I am introverted and extroverted. I think my personality might have failed that test, but that is ok. I like me, and Carrie likes me. No she loves me. Hope you enjoy www.adoptascarf.com.

Road Work Ahead - Expect Delays

"Because you're not yet taking God seriously," said Jesus. "The simple truth is that if you had a mere kernel of faith, a poppy seed, say, you would tell this mountain, 'Move!' and it would move. There is nothing you wouldn't be able to tackle." Matthew 17:20

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Today we found out that everything having to do with the program where S is is up in the air. They are scrambling to get the couples that are already in the middle of things there settled before they will even begin to think about new couples. We also found out that it's likely we won't get much more information on S other than what we already have, which is not a lot. Our caseworker basically explained that if we want S we need to be prepared for major delays.

It felt like decision time. Do we go for S, knowing only that nothing is sure, not even that we would get him at the end since the Russian government could decide at any time to refer him to someone else? Or do we give up on S and start submitting our paperwork in order to get a referral?

I think both Tim and I were sort of at a loss for a few minutes. I sat at my desk staring at the email trying desperately to make sense of everything they were telling me. Part of me very much wanted to not care about S. I wanted to be able to say that it was too much of a hassle and we could just move on. I couldn't do it. I emailed Tim and waited for him to pull the trigger. Yes S, no S. Finally he said what I was thinking. We can't just give up on S because it's a little scarier.

And I started thinking about Faith. Faith is being certain of things we can't see. We can't see S's records, or his history and we can't be certain that this is going to work out just like I want it to. But I have Faith in God that if S is meant to be ours it's as easy as saying "Move mountain!" and it will.

Holy Crap!

So we finally got 99.9% of our initial paperwork in and we have now been assigned a case worker which is awesome. But what is a little less awesome is that we have to get more background checks. Really it is not that bad, and we're glad to have someone who is actually assigned to us to ask my one or two questions and Carrie's 3 million questions. Carrie is a question asker and a fretter and I like to wing it, and it is a good thing we are paired together, because otherwise I would ask no questions and have no idea what is going on or Carrie would ask every question that comes to mind and drive them crazy. But anyways to the crap, we have been praying for a particular boy that we have saw on the website. We are not suppose to say their names or post pictures so that is why we gave him the generic name of S. But since we have been assigned a case worker now (Yay!) she will give us more information about S. We know where S is located and found out that the agency in that country that would assist with our adoption agency lost their license. So that really stinks, but apparently this is not too bad. Might just delay some things. Onto the Holy part, S might have a sister, and neither of us were terribly frightened, upset or worried about this information. In fact, we were both a little joyful. Carrie told me this and did not even mention how she felt about it. And I got really excited. I don't know why, but something God related must be the case. I think after we talked a little longer we had both decided that we could think of a lot of reasons why it wouldn't work, but none of them were really valid. Reasons like it costs more; I might lose my man room (which is going to be converted into the man room/guest room); it will be a lot more work; and so on. God will provide. Adoption is a step of faith to us, so why not add two more little feet.

(Ok, so I don't really completely understand why we have a blog if I don't actually say what is going on in my head. After I wrote that sentence I got up and did a walking version of the robot dance while thinking "Little feet, little feet" over and over in my head at my office. Yes, sometimes I am a little strange.)

So after we had talked about it some more, Carrie emails me and says can we name her to Anastasia? I replied no. Her response was, "We changed the cats' names." First, off we are not changing someone's name based OFF OF A CARTOON MOVIE (I would double bold that if that exists). And second, children are not cats. Children are a number of things, but they are not cats. They may act like Marshmallow the Black Kitty (my niece), but I know for a fact that they are not cats.

Green Light

Yesterday was a day. After a fun, but exhausting weekend I was determined to get the rest of the paperwork in to Bethany. The only thing left aside from the doctors forms which have to wait until Friday when I have an appointment are these "Criminal Background Inquiries" that need to be filled out by the police department. Bethany made it sound like it was as easy as walking into the precinct and asking. So I did. Bad idea. The little guy sitting behind a plexi glass window spent probably thirty seconds giving me this blank look while I tried to explain what I needed, would not even look at the forms themselves to see if he could help me, and then said "We don't do that, you have to go downtown." I was so mad that I couldn't say anything and I just smiled at him and walked out. When I got into my car I was practically in tears. I'm sure this was a combination of being very tired, being very hot, and having just wasted my lunch hour for nothing but at that moment it was just too much. I wanted those papers turned in. I wanted to be able to email Bethany and say "Everything is turned in, please answer my questions now." This whole patience thing is not working out for me. So I did what most frustrated wives probably do. I called my husband and told him he had to deal with this. I was done. Poor Tim. I'm so lucky I have such a wonderful husband because a lesser man would have probably hung up on me. He's going to go downtown today and get them filled out and mailed. Thank the Lord. And then something miraculous happened. Yesterday in the mail our mortgage company sent us a check. A big check. This is highly unusual since it's usually the other way around. Something about escrow and something or other being too much. I didn't really care, I just wanted to know if we were going to have to send it back. Tim doesn't think so and it's about half the cost of the homestudy. It was like finally hitting a green light when every other light yesterday felt red. God is good to us and his timing is always perfect.

Health Department Blues

My employer allows me to take sick days for doctor's appointments, so that is what I did yesterday, took a whole day off for 4 doctors appointments (Carrie had to just take a day off). I felt like it might be a little selfish, because I figured we would spend maybe 4 hours between driving and waiting to go. Oh I was wrong, dead wrong. And while waiting in the STD testing room at the Metro Health Department for an HIV test I realized that this just might be the place where people go to die. We were suppose get a TB test there also, but it took too long to get the HIV test. If that wasn't bad enough (it really wasn't) the test took a total time of about 15 seconds. All they did was swab my mouth. We waited 20 minutes for results(or so they said more like 45 minutes) and we were done. We did pop our heads into the TB testing place, and I think we possibly could have been infected with TB for doing that. So we left the health department knowing that we were HIV free. Between the scary people in there and the guys hitting on another woman we made it out alive, barely. Yes, I would think that an STD testing facility would be the last place you would want to hit on a woman, but I guess "true love" can happen anywhere. Then we were off to the actual doctor. Carrie had a hard time with her doctor. I had a much better time. The nurse was very nice, and I was like "this is good maybe the doctor will not give me a hard time about adoption." So he was very friendly to me. Much more than last time I saw him and he was very willing to help me and fill out the form. Turns out he and his sister had been adopted, and his wife was adopted too. He was very pro-adoption. Not sure if he was a Christian, but it was just nice to have some postive reinforcement for our decision and God's choice for us. After this we went to the walk in clinic and got our remaining tests the TB test and my drug screeing. Don't worry I ate 15 poppy seed muffins the night before I think I will do fine. This was also a much better experience than the health department. I guess at this point just about anything is better than the health department. I mean at the health department where I had my HIV test done there was an examination room/copier room. At the walk in clinic, I had an actual examination room there was no copier in it. Anyways, we made it yesterday and got home later than a normal day of work. I would have much rather been at work. That was not a fun day, but we are done with doctors and STD testees hitting on other STD testees. Give us a virtual high five.

Questions

There are lots of questions people ask you when you tell them you are going to adopt. Some of these questions are harmless and some of these questions are going to make me pull all of my hair out before long. Questions like "Are you sure about this?", "Can you afford it?", "Did you know that adopting will completely change your life?" (they do not mean this in a good way.) What really irks me about this is that not one of these people would say these things if I told them I was having a baby. My doctor (she's new and I'm not sure I like her.) asked me the last question when I saw her this week and needed a form filled out for the agency and it struck me as highly insensitive. If I had gone in her office and told her my husband and I wanted to have a baby she probably would have told me how to go about it. Instead I felt like I had been doused in cold water. This is the reason I don't want to tell people about the adoption unless I know how they'll react. I haven't told anyone at work. I feel both selfish and cowardly. Part of this process is supposed to be a ministry. I want to challenge people to think about their own families and to think about the children who live all over this planet with no one to love them. And instead I'm hiding it because I don't want to explain myself. I don't want to tell people that yes I can have a baby, but I want S. I think God is definately a part of this process, but I also think Satan is doing everything he can to make me want to give up, to make me feel discouraged, to make me feel scared and alone. And for those of you who don't know, I'm also getting my masters. Normally it would be a bad idea to do these two things at once. But God's timing is God's timing. Tomorrow is my last day of summer classes and then I'll have two whole weeks to focus on getting the adoption stuff done. We're being held up at the moment by a million medical tests and the fact that the US passport office has the bulk of our important documentation. Next Friday is my goal to get as much of the rest of it in as possible. Here's hoping everything goes smoothly.

Both Hands Foundation

Yesterday, we met with JT Olson who runs the Both Hands Foundation. It is really an incredible foundation, and I have a strange connection to knowing JT outside of his foundation. His son, Max, is in my small group at Fellowship. Anyways, Both Hands is a great foundation that pairs adopting families with widows. It is all based on James 1:27 (Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.[ESV]). It is an incredible idea and an incredible way for us to help pay for adoption. It breaks down like this we raise money by donating our time to help a widow with various household chores, eminence and landscaping that she would normally not be able to complete. How that works is JT has strategic partners with contractors, home building supply stores and various other vendors, which he uses to help provide some of the supplies to us. We then ask for support from our friends and families to help support the workers for the time they spend helping the widow. They in turn give that money to us to help pay for our adoption. It is a wonderful opportunity for us to give back and receive all at once. In the coming weeks, we are going to be asking for workers and support. For more information go to www.bothhandsfoundation.org. Also, watch this cool video we attached below

Let the paperchase begin!

As of yesterday, Tim and I have officially applied to be adoptive parents! The formal application, as well as a bunch of other paperwork, and a rather large check were put in the mail yesterday and will hopefully be at Bethany on Monday. It feels official now. It feels like I can say "Tim and I are adopting a child" now and not just that we're thinking about it.

We're still trying to get more info on S. Pastor Marty said it would be a good idea to get a better picture of his background and we agreed. Hopefully there won't be anything there we aren't prepared to handle. I'm still a little unsure of what we could handle. I ask myself a hundred questions a day. Would we be able to care for a child who were deaf? What about a child that didn't talk? What about a child with slight medical needs? This needs to be prayed about more I guess. God will bring us the right child at the right time and if that child is S than that's wonderful.

I do feel like even if S isn't meant for us this isn't all for naught. In the past few weeks I've become S's prayer warrior. I pray for him constantly. Pray that he's laughing, or that he's warm, or that he's not hungry. Pray that he can sense God's love and our love even in the orphanage. I pray that someone would make him a paper airplane like I do for Kal, the four-year-old that visits my Sunday school class. I pray that he's not sad and that he can come home with us soon. I pray about new spiderman sneakers. I pray that he can wait, and we can wait. I pray for joy in the waiting.

It does sort of feel like people are trying to get us to adopt a baby or a younger child, but Tim and I both feel like God is calling us in a different direction. A four or five year-old is much less likely to get adopted than a baby and I feel like this is the right direction. We know that it will be harder but both of us love a good challenge. God is preparing our child just like he's preparing us. I know it.

Provision

Tim talked about risky business. I feel like taking a prayerful risk means trusting God to take care of everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. Including the $40,000+ that this is going to cost us. (Yes, you read that number right.) When I think about that number for too long I get a little short of breath and wonder how in the world this will ever be possible. But God is bigger than that number. Much bigger. He's given both Tim and I a sense of peace that this is possible, but we have to ask for help. And to that end we wanted to let you, our friends and family, know how you might be able to be a part of this crazy adventure. At work we do what's called R&O's, which stands for Risks and Opportunities. We're asking you to take a risk with us so that S can have the opportunity to change all of our lives. In the coming months there will be lots of ways you can help. Stitches for S (more on that later), the opportunity to make Tim run really far, really fast, some other fundraising ideas we're looking into and then there is the easy way. Well two easy ways really. See that little paypal thingy over there? We suggest $10, but if you feel lead to give a different amount we also have a button for that. In two minutes or less you can give just a little bit to help bring S home. If you don't want to use paypal, or you want it to be tax deductible our church is setting up that fund as we speak... or blog. If everyone gave just a little bit S could be home before we know it!

Risky Business

We met with Pastor Marty yesterday at Fellowship. He is the children’s pastor and the man when it comes to adoption at our church. He asked if I was a risk taker. I guess we all decided that I was an "Informed Risk Taker." Don't how much of a risk taker that makes me, but we are going full steam ahead. That seems like a risk to me, but I am excited about it. We don't know where we are going to adopt from or where the money is going to come from. NO IDEA, where it is going to come from, but I realized I just do not care, because if this truly and wholly from God then it shouldn't matter. I am excited to see the ways God provides for us above what He already does. You know the easy way out would be to win the lottery or just be given a bunch of money, but that will do nothing for Carrie or my own walk with God. I think Romans 5:3-6 sums it up best, "Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Maybe not so much the suffering, but the rest applies. I don't think this process is going to stop when our adoption is completed. It is much easier to have your own child and raise it from birth. There are no unknown issues. We know our own medical history. We can love and raise a baby from the time it is conceived. It is a risk. We have been called to love a risk and that is exactly what we are going to do.

S

When you first get in contact with an agency or anywhere they send you links to dozens of pictures of kids waiting to be adopted. It sort of feels like your on match.com or something, looking at pictures and short blurbs and feeling like you should choose one. Which feels awful. All of them are cute and need parents and are special and beloved by God. For awhile I was falling in love with a different kid a day. And then there was S. S's picture was only posted last week and there is no information attached aside from the fact that he's basically healthy, he's 4, and he's in Eastern Europe somewhere. The picture is blurry and he's not smiling. And I fell in love. Tim doesn't really believe me yet. He thinks it'll pass like it did with the rest of them. I think he doesn't really want to get attached to anyone as a sort of protection measure. So I pray for S, I pray about S. I worry about him and check hourly to see if any more information has been posted. Someone said when it's supposed to be your child you'll know. And I think S is mine. As for the other stuff, the paper work is getting done. I finally finished the actual formal application last night, I sent off for my new passport, Tim's going in to the post office on Saturday to get his. I have a self imposed deadline of the 31st for getting most of this stuff done. Some of it we can't control (like sending the marriage license in with my passport and not wanting to get another one). Tim doesn't quite understand my impatience but S is waiting for us. I know it. P.S. Tim says I'm being mean to him and I didn't intend that at all. I know Tim is excited and I know he's supportive when I get all crazy about this stuff. I also know that he is ten times more cautious than I am. He's the smart one, I am not. I will get my heart crushed by this process and he will have to pick up the pieces. Almost unavoidable. I just want him to be like me and he's not. Plus I'm trying to convince him on S. Not that I'm the one who should do the convincing, that's up to God. But I'm praying about that too ;-)

Tim's Thoughts

Hi, I am Tim. Most of you know me and some of you don't. I guess that is the beauty of the internet. As my wife Carrie has said previously, we have begun the long process of adoption. I am not really sure how I felt about adopting myself. I guess I thought it is one of those things you do if you cannot have children yourself. But the reality is that God has asked us to take care of the widows and children. I am about 99% sure that God has not called me to adopt a widow, but on the other, hand I am 100% sure that He has called us to adopt. In fact, not only has God called us to adopt He has called Carrie and I to adopt first. I think this is incredible, because someday we can tell our child that God chose you first for our family. First, that is how much you mean to us. I just feel so blessed that God has called us to do this.

Here we go!

For those of you that don't know us, I'm Carrie and he's Tim. We're both 26 and were married on May 2, 2008. We currently have no kids unless you count the three cats (I don't, Tim does). We hope to tell everyone all about our adoption from the beginning stages (where we are now) to hopefully the day when we bring our new son or daughter home. So the first question, why adoption? Tim can answer this himself, but as for me, I've always wanted to adopt children since I was a little girl. It always upset me that there were so many children in the world without parents. That idea has only intesified as I've gotten older and as my biological clock starts itching for babies now seems like the right time. Tim is very passionate about adopting first which is fine with me. We have been so blessed by God and would only be blessed further by expanding our family. Why international adoption? At first Tim and I weren't too particular about domestic vs. international but the idea of international adoption has become very close to my heart for several reasons. The U.S. is so wealthy that even orphans in this country are better off than most children. Since we are looking to adopt an older child (hopefully between the ages of 2-5) going internation makes even more sense. So there you have it. We are at the very beginning stages at the moment. We've already met with Bethany Christian Services and I'm about 99% sure we're going to use them. We're drowning in paper work, overwhelmed by the cost, trying to get passports updated, and faithful in the knowledge that if this is God's plan he'll take care of all of it in his time. Keep us in your prayers and we'll keep you updated!