Batman opened a can of worms

Batman is a pretty prominent figure in our house. He is by far Sam's favorite superhero and when we found a kid's book on batman at the library yesterday it seemed like a major find. The book is written like a very simple comic book that explains how Batman became Batman. Tonight Sam wanted to read it before bed and when we got to the part where Batman's parents died I was trying to explain why Batman was sad. I could tell the minute Sam sort of understood because his eyes filled with tears and he looked up at me and said "Nee desky dom" which means "no orphanage". I immediately started backtracking, reassuring, hugging, kissing, anything I could think of to explain that we weren't going to die and Sam wasn't going back to the orphanage.

All of the books, and every social worker tells you to talk openly about the adoption and your child's story. They don't tell you what to do when they understand just enough English to get the whole story confused. Sam doesn't understand tenses so everything you tell him is right now. And no matter how many times I try to explain that he had a Russian mama and papa and now he has an American mama and papa it isn't making sense. It broke my heart how terrified and sad he was. I don't want to mistake fear for connection but when he calmed down we just laid in bed together whispering about how much I loved him and he would whisper back that he loved me. I want him to fall asleep with the idea in his head that he is loved.

Other than that we are doing great. Sam is excited for Christmas without really understanding what it means. I have literally wrapped Christmas presents for him right behind him while he watched cartoons and he didn't even notice. At this point I think the pile of presents may be bigger than Sam.

We've had really cold weather the last week including some snow (see pictures below). Sam liked the snow but wasn't wildly ecstatic about it the way most kids in Tennessee get. All those years living in Russia made him a bit impervious.

His English seems to be growing in leaps and bounds. My favorites currently are the way he says "you're welcome" whenever he hears the words thank you and the way he says "it's okay" every time I apologize for something.

We are so lucky to have Sam. He is sweet and loving and curious and smart and everything a little boy ought to be.

One Month Home

We've been home one month as of yesterday. I can't really believe it, since it seems like a week and yet it's hard to remember our house without Sam in it. In the past month he's been to the doctor, tried to go to church, learned his whole alphabet, celebrated mama's birthday, had a birthday, made new friends, watched a million hours of Super Why!, charmed all of his grandparents, and stolen all of our hearts.

For any of you that our curious here is where Sam is at in the following areas:

Bonding: This is a work in progress. Sam is just starting to really believe that this is permanent. He loves when Tim and I tell him that we are his mama and papa forever, he loves when we empathize with his dislike and fear of the orphanage, he will make eye contact with us on his own but not for an extended period of time. He loves his Papa to death, literally I think it may be killing Tim. If Tim is home Sam is glued to him. Sam loves mama in a different way. If he needs something than he usually asks mama, and at bedtime it is the mama show. He is so sweet when we snuggle and he rubs my hair and gives me little kisses.

English: Also a work in progress. He learns words quickly, and understands a lot. He loves when he can use a word spontaneously and gets lots of praise for it. My favorite thing is when he says "Say thank you Sam." when he does something for you. He can count to fourteen and knows about 50 words. I may be hurting this more than helping because I let him get away with too much Russian and I speak too much Russian to him. It's easier to communicate with him in Russian but know one else can.

Here are some things that Sam is doing right now that I don't ever want to forget:

The way he sings along to everything when he doesn't know the words. My favorite is a Super Why song where Princess Presto says "S-P-E-L-L, I really love to spell." and he sings the letters with his little accent. Super cute.

The licking. Two hours with Miss Lesley's golden retriever and Sam replaced kissing with licking. Super gross but also kinda cute.

The way he says "Santa Claus" and you hear the magic in his voice. Not everyone is into Santa but I'm not going to take that magic away.

How much he loves games. Any games, board games, computer games, made up games. He fits right into our family.

The way he runs to the door when he hears the garage door open in the afternoon screaming "Papa, Papa!" Dad is totally a rockstar in this house.

Sam's favorite song is "Fe, fi, fo" which is a little song they sang on Super Why.

How he says Henri's name "Kenari"

There is more stuff I'm sure that I'm not thinking of.

Okay, here's what you came here for. Pictures from the last month!

31+5= Sam's Birthday & 31 Days of Him Being Ours

Yesterday marked Sam’s 5th Birthday and our 31st day caring for him. It was a hectic day, and I am fairly certain I am birthday partied out for at least 6 months. And that is saying something because my birthday is rapidly approaching.

After we (more Carrie) put Sam to bed, I was cleaning up and saw this commercial and it had all of these adults in a different situations, and one was a mom hosting a birthday party. WHAT???!!!! She had time to talk to the camera and form cogent sentences. Maybe that comes with time, but Sam’s birthday party would be the last place I would have time to talk to a camera. Funny thing is that after the party was over we had a follow up interview with Both Hands & LifeSong about our Both Hands project. Guess what, I had problems forming cogent sentences. Good thing Carrie is smart and stuff. She knows how to use her words but me not so much.

Thinking back on these 31 days of caring for Sam, it has not always been easy, but Carrie and I have always tried to be good parents, which is really hard, because we have no experience caring for a 5 year old. Especially, when you factor in that fact that he was in an orphanage and does not speak or understand very much English. He does understand more than he lets on. Like one day, I was asking Carrie about him falling asleep in the car, and I hear from the backseat, “не (not) sleep.” I am especially trying to figure out how to be consistent with punishment. Especially, when he figures out so quickly how to say the just the right thing (in English) so he doesn’t get a time-in (nerdy term, but that is what it is). I am onto you Sam, and becoming immune. The biting, farting, and spitting have pretty much stopped. He still farts, but mainly for performance purposes. The name calling (in Russian….we are onto you Sam) and telling us that he doesn’t love haven’t stopped, but are becoming less frequent, but still occur when he doesn’t get what he wants. I think the hardest single principle that we are teaching him is to be patient. Most of his meltdowns are because he is not patient. I know that it is a trust issue and that the more he trusts us the more the patient he will become.

We are 31 days in, and all I have to say is that adoption the process and parenting an adopted child are not for the faint of heart and are the most difficult thing I have done and continue to do (I think Carrie will back me up on that), but if God has placed adoption on your heart how can you say no? My life hasn’t become easier, but it is better, and I am consistently seeing God’s Hand in my life more than ever before. The correlations between how Sam responds to me as parents and how, in turn, I respond to God are remarkable. The biggest similarity is that as I trust God more the more patient I have become for God to provide for my family and me. I don’t know if Sam gets amazed with the ways we provide for him, but I definitely continue to be очень очень (very very) amazed with how God provides.

Two weeks...

If Tim can do this in two weeks, imagine what he can do in 14 years...

The Hardest Thing

The hardest thing about having a newly adopted child is not what you would think. It's not the fear that is his constant companion or the entire shift in everyone's routine. It's not even being regularly told that you aren't loved.

It's not knowing what he's thinking in the quiet moments before he falls asleep, and not even being able to ask him. I so want to know what is going through his head when all he whispers is "lu-blu" (love you). Those sweet moments are getting me through some difficult days as we all adjust.

Also, as you know yesterday was my birthday, and it was like no other birthday.

It started like this:

And this:

And ended with Red Robin and delicious lemon creme cake that my mom made that was exactly like the lemon creme cake at Olive Garden.

I am trying very hard to establish traditions. Red Robin's has always been a tradition for me and Tim because you get a free burger but I want to establish Krispy Kreme as one too. It was a fun day, tiring like all our days have been but fun too.

Tomorrow we are going to see how children's church goes, so pray for that!

It's that time of year...

TIME FOR HAND TURKEYS!!!!!

Reality

I was just reading a blog of someone marking the anniversary of their referral call and I started thinking that we don't have that anniversary. We found Sam. I saw this picture on a web listing and while it might not have been love at first sight, I kept coming back to it, over and over again. He looked just like the sweet boys in my Sunday school class, just sad. Finally I convinced Tim and the rest is history.

But I was sitting here and it finally hit me that that little boy is here. I hold him and kiss him and watch him play all the time now. He was just this picture for so long that the reality of the huge blessing God has given us is only just now sinking in. And he's not that sad little boy anymore either. He was Aleksey, an orphan living in Sosnovo, Russia, and now he's Sam, a very smart, very loved son.

We love him so much and he doesn't have to do anything for that to happen. And he couldn't do anything to change that.

And that is why adoption is a picture of God. God takes our sad, fatherless selves and loves us for no reason, unconditionally. This weekend the sermon was on love and the pastor said that love is ethical, not emotional. That really hit home for me. Yes, my love for Sam is a feeling, but even when it's hard to feel that love, I still love him. How powerful it has been for me to realize that God loves me even more than I could ever love Sam.

Sam himself is doing amazing. We had two friends over today, Haddon and Hayes, and he had a ball. Some people have questioned us about bonding and attachment but Sam is doing so well and he is so much a four year old boy. The only person who really understands a four year old is another four year old. They wrestled and had strange conversations and played cars and had a ball. We are lucky to know such wonderful sweet boys who are so patient with Sam.

He's also learning some English and even occasionally correcting Mama when he says something to him in Russian that he knows in English, like Thank You. Today we learned the word "cookie" and for about an hour everything was a cookie. He can count to nine and say the ABC's and even identify a few letters.

Right now Sam and Papa are out running around the neighborhood in the jogging stroller which is why I had this quiet minute to post. Until next time!